Knowing I was coming to the UK this weekend and leaving my partner to solo parent, throughout this week I was preoccupied with planning my schedule and energies around making sure things would be as easy as possible for them whilst I was away. I was putting Lake's clothes out (3 sets, according to the expected weather), trying to plan our meals in a way that would leave my partner with leftovers so he wouldn't need to worry about cooking, restocking up nappies and wipes in their usual places, sending my partner whatssap messages of things to remember to ensure the house was running okay (things I would usually hold in my headspace and carry out as needed) etc. I was effectively doing as much of the physical, emotional and other labour I would usually do in the home this weekend but in advance. I have a wonderful and supportive partner, but when he goes away for the weekend, I know he just packs his bag, gives us a hug and leaves. This post therefore really resonated with me today, haha. Have a great weekend ☺️
Thanks so much for sharing this, Stevie, I’m sure it will resonate with a LOT of women. That is an immense amount of work! Very much relate to the difference when daddy leaves for a few days.
The thing is, I don’t think I could stop researching and planning even if Erik started doing it all the time; that’s just how my brain works. But hopefully at least when it’s brought out into the open we can start thinking about how the men-folk can compensate by taking on more of the load in other ways, like doing more of the second shift for example. Hope you have a lovely time in the UK and get some rest!
I can recall with unambiguous clarity that: only after Da had passed and my three older siblings had left home, that Mammy - very, very slowly - began to learn the art of actually sitting down and relaxing from time-to-time. "Women hold up half the sky" - it was DEFINITELY mighty more than "half" when I were a wain.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Miffsky. I can imagine that with four kids and a husband, your mammy held up a LOT of the sky! I’m glad she at least got the the chance to start learning the art, even though it meant suffering loss as well.
Thank YOU Laura. She was resilient in that doughty yet acutely understated working-class way, so she rallied after a few months and never, ever lost her sense of fun; nor that tough working class always instinctual knee-jerk empathy for the underdog.
Well: you would not have got far into our house without being offered a cuppa, Laura; for she was faster with the teapot than any Wild West gunslinger!
"Maybe it’s about letting ourselves fully understand that the nuclear family isn’t working..." So, my first hunch about the NUCLEAR family, wasn't that far off (remember?) - it's exploding!
Hi Marjan, ha yes it's exploding and spewing its radiation all over us! But yes seriously, the nuclear family does seem to be imploding in all sorts of ways, and I think that phenomena like trad wives and the manosphere are related to this - and it's all linked to capitalism imploding. I actually had a good chat with @Sarah Jaffe just yesterday about all this!
Knowing I was coming to the UK this weekend and leaving my partner to solo parent, throughout this week I was preoccupied with planning my schedule and energies around making sure things would be as easy as possible for them whilst I was away. I was putting Lake's clothes out (3 sets, according to the expected weather), trying to plan our meals in a way that would leave my partner with leftovers so he wouldn't need to worry about cooking, restocking up nappies and wipes in their usual places, sending my partner whatssap messages of things to remember to ensure the house was running okay (things I would usually hold in my headspace and carry out as needed) etc. I was effectively doing as much of the physical, emotional and other labour I would usually do in the home this weekend but in advance. I have a wonderful and supportive partner, but when he goes away for the weekend, I know he just packs his bag, gives us a hug and leaves. This post therefore really resonated with me today, haha. Have a great weekend ☺️
Thanks so much for sharing this, Stevie, I’m sure it will resonate with a LOT of women. That is an immense amount of work! Very much relate to the difference when daddy leaves for a few days.
The thing is, I don’t think I could stop researching and planning even if Erik started doing it all the time; that’s just how my brain works. But hopefully at least when it’s brought out into the open we can start thinking about how the men-folk can compensate by taking on more of the load in other ways, like doing more of the second shift for example. Hope you have a lovely time in the UK and get some rest!
I can recall with unambiguous clarity that: only after Da had passed and my three older siblings had left home, that Mammy - very, very slowly - began to learn the art of actually sitting down and relaxing from time-to-time. "Women hold up half the sky" - it was DEFINITELY mighty more than "half" when I were a wain.
All power to you and thank you, Laura!
Thanks so much for sharing this, Miffsky. I can imagine that with four kids and a husband, your mammy held up a LOT of the sky! I’m glad she at least got the the chance to start learning the art, even though it meant suffering loss as well.
Thank YOU Laura. She was resilient in that doughty yet acutely understated working-class way, so she rallied after a few months and never, ever lost her sense of fun; nor that tough working class always instinctual knee-jerk empathy for the underdog.
That’s a beautiful tribute to her, she sounds like a terrific lady
Well: you would not have got far into our house without being offered a cuppa, Laura; for she was faster with the teapot than any Wild West gunslinger!
All kindest wishes to you! 😊
😄
"Maybe it’s about letting ourselves fully understand that the nuclear family isn’t working..." So, my first hunch about the NUCLEAR family, wasn't that far off (remember?) - it's exploding!
Hi Marjan, ha yes it's exploding and spewing its radiation all over us! But yes seriously, the nuclear family does seem to be imploding in all sorts of ways, and I think that phenomena like trad wives and the manosphere are related to this - and it's all linked to capitalism imploding. I actually had a good chat with @Sarah Jaffe just yesterday about all this!
I like all the links you're making 👏